Why the Phrase: “You are so Mature for Your Age” Can be Harmful
“You are so mature for your age” is a phrase I’ve heard quite often recently. The people who have expressed this to me mean it as a compliment, but is this really a compliment? I’ve always taken it as such, but recently I’ve been questioning what this truly means.
Mature refers to being “fully developed physically; full-grown”(Oxford Languages Definition), so why is this a term used to describe me as a seventeen-year-old?
I’ve heard about research on the impact that trauma can have on the brain, and I decided to investigate more and take a look at my own life experiences. I read an article on PyschCentral that states, “What is frequently called growing up too fast or being mature beyond your years is simply neglect and abuse” (Cikanavicius). The article discusses how growing up too fast shouldn’t always be viewed as a positive thing. Encouraging adolescence to live up to standards and be viewed by others as mature beyond their years may have negative impacts. Kids are meant to be kids, and putting pressure on them to act as adults takes that away from them.
Most of the time children, don’t get to choose whether or not they want to be in positions in which they grow up quicker. A common situation in which kids may mature faster is growing up with an unstable parent. Having to fear a parent and be protected from them can be troubling to a child since that parent is supposed to be their built-in protector. Having to care for a parent who can’t take care of themselves can leave a child in a role-reversal situation where the child starts to “act as a mature, responsible adult while the actual adult is taken care of as though they were the child” (Cikanavicius). The child learns how to take care of the person who is supposed to take care of them.
I know that I am more mature today because of the trauma I’ve experienced in my life, and being mature for my age is a part of myself that I am proud of. However, I make a conscious effort not to forget the challenges associated with being “wise beyond my years”. I often put a lot of pressure on myself to maintain my reputation of being mature. I don’t allow myself to reconnect with my inner child as much as I should. I often refrain from asking for help from others, and I always work to appear strong in front of others.
Trauma can force you to grow up quickly because you have to go through things that no one should experience at such a young age. Living in survival mode at such a young age forces one to mature quicker.
Sources
Cikanavicius, Darius. “The Effects of Trauma from Growing Up Too Fast.” Psych Central, Psych Central, 8 Dec. 2019, https://psychcentral.com/blog/psychology-self/2019/12/trauma-growing-up-fast#1.
